Conversation..

We were at our usual dinner spot last night. Beer guzzler meets jazz musician meets fervant South Indian, there for the famously great food. Place is owned by a friend who draws like an angel, has a warm,fuzzy heart and resembles a Harley maverick. There are sad goblins on the walls that always make me want to write about them. One goblin gingerly holds a tiny fragile fairy in his palm and is staring at her, mesmerized. I'll never forget that look, of absolute longing and enchantment. It must be nice to be an art whiz with your own pub. Sigh.

Steaming soup arrives and its the best thing I've ever eaten with the rains beating a consistent drum outside.

"What does being in love really mean?"

Huh? Um..entirely wrong person to ask..I..er.. The cornered person in question looks like he'd rather be in jail..

Everyone looks serious. Well of course. This bunch never gets serious about anything! And the one topic that I would certainly mumble my way through, they choose to get philosophical over

Superstar suddenly sheds the style and gets deep. Old girlfriends are drudged up. much debris is discussed. He has a point, a lot of loves are about having fun with someone and continuing to have fun no matter how long its lasted. Most good marraiges seem to be fun.

I apologetically try and remember all the instances where I had fancied the sensation.

Another friend thinks its about middle ground. Yeah, I can relate. Compromise and all that. Your noodles for my rotis. But surely this constant "deal" is not all it's jazzed up to be? Surely it gets tiring? Especially if it's constantly conscious?

My relationship allows me room and breathing space and the random days of cranky solitude that I cannot live without.

Love is...the fantastic high that fades into a fantastic low. We all laugh at her joke. But its true. I've been troubled in situations where my closest friends have said that the pain was too much too bear, that desolation/ anger/ hurt/ weakness was the altar at which worshipping Love, made it bearable. Seems terribly painful..are you sure that this is love..I had doubtfully asked in my head..

My relationship has laughter and teasing and problems that dont become grudges or vinegered anger.

X believes Love has has the properties to heal and restore.
Y wants nothing to do with it, is in hate and likes the armour.
Z wants cotton candy and walks in the rain.

I dislike drama. I found logic and companionship, friendly warmth, even on days that tell me I cannot ever expect salvation. Sorry, Dad.

A likes languid afternoon, makes the time, cooks together.
B believes in driver's seats and equalizing power (Contradictory I know, but exactly what she said)
C is recently liberated from wet toilets and pompous last name.
D wants her to help more at home.

Turning off a tap, learning to cook, watching films alone, watching films together,...adulterous, juvenile, cuddling, candour, sex, hate, loneliness, organizing, bills, trips, fights, make-up sex, fantasies with other people, money, stability...

I chew slowly..my head swims easily. I wish my partner were here. I think we would've both been bewildered.

Love..seems complicated.